Why divorce is not necessarily ‘throwing away’ a marriage

When learning of your divorce, some loved ones may argue that you are throwing away your marriage. Most loved ones would use this phrase in a well-meaning way to express concern that you may regret your decision to separate. However, it is important to understand that divorce means ending a marriage and does not necessarily indicate that either you or your spouse is throwing your union away.

Every significant relationship that you participate in over the course of your lifetime provides you with opportunities. Your marriage has almost certainly taught you more about yourself, about your spouse, about your values and about your limits. Your marriage will continue to provide you with valuable life experience even as you leave your union behind.

It seems that the only time one can truly be labeled as throwing a relationship away is when he or she fails to learn from that relationship. Acting as if the relationship had never occurred and had no effect on an individual seems like discarding that relationship without consideration or care. As long as you are willing to view your marriage as valuable life experience, for better and for worse, you will not have thrown your relationship away.

The judgments of others, however well-meaning those others may be, can be difficult to stomach during the divorce process and during its aftermath. However, if you are willing to listen to your own intuitions and elevate the values you most hold dear, those judgments will mean less than they otherwise might.


: The Huffington Post, “Are You Questioning ‘Till Death Do Us Part?‘” Susan Winter, Feb. 23, 2015

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