What therapists don’t tell you about marriage therapy

Your spouse wanted to start seeing a marriage therapist to work on the difficulties in your marriage. Both of you may have seen this therapist for a few months or years since your marital problems started.

You and your spouse did every relationship bonding exercise your therapist gave you. You each talked more in-depth about your day or found a hobby you both enjoy – by your therapist’s recommendation.

Despite all your therapy sessions, you just don’t see much improvement in your marriage – and that’s not unusual. Therapists can’t promise their clients a better marriage, no matter how hard they try.

Here’s what you should know:

Marriage therapy doesn’t guarantee a better marriage

You may no longer feel that spark you once had in your relationship. That’s what led your spouse to get a marital therapist in the first place. You may have gone through therapy anyway, maybe to see if anything would change in your marriage, or to go through the motions of a failing marriage.

Marital therapy may not be working because you may no longer be committed to your marriage and there’s nothing wrong with that. You may feel you need a change of scenery and renewed independence. Going into marital therapy may not change how you feel about your marriage, so you shouldn’t have to stay if it’s not working.

You may eventually ask for a divorce even after marriage counseling. It’s not a failure, because therapy may help you realize that you just don’t want to stay in the relationship – but all the time and money spent in therapy may upset and frustrate your spouse, especially if they thought therapy would be the “cure” for everything.

If your marriage is no longer fulfilling, it’s time to learn more about your options for a divorce.

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